Divine Intervention

When divine intervention comes into play we don’t have control over external circumstances. The only choice in the matter that we have is our willingness to surrender to the process or resist and sabotage our evolution. Despite our efforts to attempt to control and manipulate, the heavens see to it that our lives are appointed in the direction required of the soul. UNCOMFORTABLE for our fragile selfish ego.

Expect all forms of security ( our personal world as we know it) to begin to dismantle itself without your permission. That marriage you know didn’t serve you and you were guided to leave and didn’t. Well… Now that person will get instructions to randomly, courageously leave. Often times with no logical reasoning that we find palatable. That job you hated and lost all your personal power in, and wasn’t in alignment with your core values…Will fire you, lay you off. You heard the guidance ” it’s time to leave now, your work here is done.” And you’ve provided an excuse to not be empowered. “I’ll stay for the money,” ” I can’t just quit I have a mortgage and bills to pay.” The list goes on and on. The truth is fear of change has most of us trapped living lives that doesn’t resonate with our soul. The moment we choose not to follow guidance, heaven takes over and takes action for you. However it’s not an act of punishment of course. The purpose is to guide you into deeper experiences and higher levels of your soul.

Listen, trust divine intervention and guidance. Give up the need to control, and allow transformation and empowerment be the reason you make conscious choices for you life.

P.S. Try to enjoy the ride, we’re the generation creating the new frontier for global cosmic living.

 

Intimacy Avoidance and How it’s destroying your relationships.

Most of us have entered into relationships (at some point in our lives) with partner who wasn’t able to emotionally connect, invest. Instead you walked away feeling dismissed and shut down by your partner. Not being able to truly understand why your partner has become detached, emotionally despondent.

“Maybe I am the problem,” You said to yourself. “Perhaps if I give this person space,” and the self talk continues. The good news is you may not be the problem after all. You aren’t asking for to much. You simply want a healthy relationship that is built on the foundation of intimacy. Perhaps you’re someone whom struggles with maintaining intimacy within your relationships because you have a strong belief that it is weak, unnecessary or because you may fear a deep connection that no longer allows you to hide behind your armor. In any event our experts have provided us with psychological evidence for this on-going problem within our western climate.

According to international sexual addiction expert, psychologist Robert Weiss; Founder Of The Sexual Recovery Institute published an article www.robertweissmsw.com that states: Being human means biologically wired to community and to bond with another ( even in short term) as both actions are integrally bound to the survival of our species. Weiss eludes that there are many among us who long for connection and deep intimacy. But also fear physical and emotional closeness in equal measure in their desire for closeness. Weiss blatantly says that these people are unable or unwilling to seek out or maintain the human intimacies that help us all self-sooth, regulate and to simply feel communion with another.

Robert Weiss states in his article that some of these folks may avoid close relationships all together. While other intimacy avoidant individuals choose to enter into relationships. These relationships usually start out fairly well, with an intense emotional attraction. Thus leading to a deeply felt but superficial connection. After a short time span the intimacy avoidant person begins to feel trapped, smothered and bored. Causing the person to focus solely on their partners short comings and begins to disengage. This person may go from one I’ll fated relationship to the next, or may avoid romantic, sexual relationships forever.

Hal Shorely Ph. D, Founder of The Freedom to change provided his own research that shows

fear of intimacy and closeness within relationships is the norm for about 17 % of adults in the western culture. Shorely states that it is in large biological reaction engrained in the structures of the central nervous system through parenting practices in childhood. Shorely describes his attachment theory: All children have a need to stay close to their parents so that they can attain protection and comfort when frightened or distressed. How the parents respond to the child in these moments has an enormous impact on their child’s developing personality. Furthermore, Parents who’ve become avoidant, distance of intimacy tend to (reject) the childrens neediness or perceived weakness. One example of such demonstrated behavior from parent to child is: Boy’s don’t cry! A common phrase that’s been ingrained in most men. Weiss suggests that these types of parents are usually intolerant of their children challenging them, or simply allowing their children to share their feelings such as agitation, hurt, fear anger- etc. This behavior demonstrated from parent to child enables the child to falsely idolize their parents. If the child were to otherwise not place rose colored glasses on, it can cause extreme anxiety.

This taught behavioral pattern often time teaches people to suppress and ignore negative emotions typically dismissing them and defaulting to their false state of being okay. Which enables the person to deny the need for closeness, and strong feelings- vulnerability is often avoided. Because this person has learned to ignore and dismiss their own emotions they often times perform to the same measure within their relationships. Leaving them “emotionally color blind,” as Hal Shorley phrased it in his psychologytoday.com article. Due to these individuals being emotionally color blind it’s beyond challenging attempting to confront, bring awareness to them in regards of our own feelings. They end up having an inaccurate perception of events because this would mean they would have to acknowledge their own negative emotions.

Hal Shorley Ph. D has concluded that there is light at the end of the tunnel though. Shorley states that these simple practices, techniques:

1. Practice reading other peoples emotions, checking in on them.

2. When other people express negative emotions; stand your ground and listen.

3. Learn to label and communicate your emotions.

4. Realize that your calm emotional and rational approach to relationship issues is likely to make people feel invalid, dismissed.

5. Don’t place your work and career in front of your relationships.

If you happen to be in a relationship with an avoidant person here’s what you can do:

1. Realize when the avoidant person shuts down.

2. Remember that even though the avoidant person will deny it; they are afraid of strong and painful negative emotions.

3. If the avoidant person needs to get away, don’t chase them it’ll only make them run faster.

4. Realize that you need a great deal of intimacy and the avoidant person may simply not be able to provide or meet your needs.

5. Be able to communicate ( with a soft touch) Sharing what you think he or she is feeling and why.

Weiss concludes that HELP AVAILABLE! He shares with us that, though attachment styles are established in childhood, they are not permanently locked in. With therapy and or through the process of establishing healthy, healing relationships, people with intimacy issues can develop what is known as “earned security,” overcoming their childhood pathology and learning how to establish true intimacy and lasting emotional connection.

Finding Happiness… For Real!

 

 

We’ve all read the positive quotes, and have seen captivating pictures on social media that promote happiness. Yet, The National Institute Of Mental Health ( nimhm.nih.gov) has reported in 2015 an, estimated 16.1 Million citizens within the United States whom are 18 or older suffer from depression. Which is one of the most common mental disorders in America. According to the World Health Organization ( Study conducted in 2010) states that major depression carries the heaviest burden of disability among mental and behavior disorders. Specifically, major depression accounts for: 3.7 % of all U.S. Disability within adult lives. Psychiatrist and CEO of Elements Behavioral Health and Promises Treatment centers; David Sack M.D., has suggested on ( psychologytoday.com) that there are a number possibilities for this phenomenon. He believes that one cause could be that many are addicted to unhappiness. He goes on to say that there is deep rooted insecurity or lack of self esteem which may cause people to feel undeserving of happiness. He also states that trauma, negative experiences influence people consciousness. Which means they hold the unconscious desire to return the state of unhappiness. Dr. David Sack M.D., believes the other possibilities could include individuals being fearful to feel joy since positive feelings may be a “setup” for disappointment.

Characteristics Of The Chronically Unhappy: Finding reasons to be unhappy, prefer to play the victim role. Compete with friends and colleagues, have difficulty setting and achieving goals, struggle to bounce back when things don’t go their way. Some may escape or cope by using drugs , alcohol, sex and or food- including other addictive or compulsive behaviors. Some may stop taking care of their basic needs, such as a health diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep, have dramatic, unfulfilled relationships- etc. Sack, makes it clear in his article about unhappy people that the reality is many unhappy people refuse to seek out treatment of any kind. While others have no clue what happiness really is. Goodtherapy.org states that “ Happiness is a state of generalized well bell bung associated with feelings of pleasure, joy and satisfaction. The article further elaborates that the common criteria to many definitions of happiness include: Feeling satisfied with the direction of one’s life is going, holding oneself in high regard and being forgiving of your mistakes and short comings, finding satisfaction in simple pleasures and in relationships, having several areas of fulfillment in life and also by having an optimistic disposition and tending to see the glass half full, viewing setbacks as an opportunity for growth. Marianne Williamson Author and spiritual teacher of “ A Course in Miracles” Says that “ The universe is programmed to support your happiness.” “A Return To Love” Williamson’s reflection of A Course In Miracles Believes that we’re completely responsible for our quality of life and well being. She states that: “ You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not what you think. The truth is you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level you can exercise choice. What you do comes from you think.” Williamson also claims that in her Novel, “ All About Love,” “ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?” Williamson has openly discussed that our thoughts generate and create our lives, our lives are in fact a by-product of our happiness. In an interview conducted in 2012 with Oprah Winfrey OWN NETWORK) Williamson says that “ The universe is interested in your self actualization.” She insinuates that we all have our own curriculum, and doing the work of forgiveness, and thinking with a loving mind we being to lift our spirits and gravitate towards love. She states that when we are accountable for our thoughts by asking ourselves.

We do this by changing our perception from fear to love we then see the miracles in our lives. We then ask ourselves Who am I not forgiving?” “Who am I showing up as?” “ Who do I have a grudge against?” She goes on to say that we often block our ability to recognize miracles because our hearts are blocked, and we suffer because of it.

Eckhart Tolle; Author of “The Power Of Now, A New Earth,” States: “There are three words that convey the secret of the art of living, the secret of all of success and living. “One with Life, being one with life is being one with now. You then realize that you don’t live your life but life lives you. Life is the dancer and you are the dance.” A New Earth, Chapter Chapter 4 pg 115.

Positive psychology is a field of psychology that focuses on happiness, well being this is done by drawing upon people’s strength. Therapy, changing habits, and re framing thoughts can all help alter people to be happier. Most psychological research shows us that happiness is not dependent upon material possessions or even success. Goodtherapy.org states that Happiness seems to be the combination of personality traits such as optimism and happiness- increasing habits such as spending time with loved ones. Goodtherpay.org provides tips for cultivating happiness which include: Having a sense of purpose, Maintain healthy relationships, Live in the present moment, practice gratitude, get support when you need it.

It’s clear that there are many paths to happiness, defining our own happiness. No one shoe fits all, some have taken the road of spirituality, some take modern therapy, and others find other ways within themselves. It’s not the path that counts it’s actually taking the steps to our own happiness and allowing our self the freedom we long for. Take the first step for yourself and allow your life to unfold.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.

After the storm has cleared, once we’ve gathered all of the broken pieces, shattered fragments of our identity and darkened heart and we choose to heal it. We then are faced with the next chapter in our life. We then are faced with having to decided which road we want to journey. We glance at the past, review every choice, every idea, every success, failure, fear, loss. We review every heartbreak, every venture, every excuse, every pain, every person that we’ve encountered. It is not until we’ve learned and mastered our lessons, karmic cycles that we then are given our new path. Our new path gives us the opportunity to implement and apply the lessons containing wisdom and knowledge we’ve learned from our past. The path isn’t familiar, it’s usually accompanied with new people, new landscapes and new love. This can terrify us because, we weren’t so ready to embrace nor progress on our new path. We didn’t realize that in order for us to move completely forward we would have to use every part of our being. We simply didn’t realize that in-order for us to move forward we cannot allow the past to dictate or instill a sense of fear of our present choices. The past is nothing more than a collection of personal historical lesson’s that we either use to destroy ourselves with or we use it to empower us. That single choice alone manifests the type of journey we will have on our new path. When follow divine guidance you will always create and live out your destiny. If you choose to operate from fear you will live out your fate. Now only you can choose, right now the attractions you’re subconsciously allowing your soul to experience.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard…” Look, I just don’t know what I am here to do.” What this person is truly saying is: “I know what I am here to do but I don’t know how to trust my self to co- create the life I am meant to live… Simply because I can’t make choices from my mind that are congruent with my heart. The external world has more control over my soul and I can’t operate from the level of grace. I sabotage divine guidance and I enjoy being the victim of my own circumstances.”

You see, when you are guided you have to be willing to give up all of the things that are preventing you from following that divine guidance. Many won’t follow it because it requires different wiring from within them. They no longer can operate from their ego’s, they no longer can use power games as a tool or a controlling force. In other words

“ The pent house is to much for me, I’ll take the bottom floor. At-least at that level, I know the laws of power. I can control, manipulate the things around me and I enjoy living in comfort.”- Caroline Myss :

Author of Why People don’t heal and Entering The Castle.

This person can’t see the totality of life because their soul refuses to evolve from the bottom floor.

If we are to acknowledge the divine presence in our lives, divine guidance we then are gifted with healing, direction, grace, stamina, clarity. We’re never given divine guidance without a purpose, cause and or unfolding of a higher order of grace being manifested within this world. This may birth in an inspirational art project, a new business, a friendship, perhaps going back to college. More times than not it’s simply calling that person you refuse to forgive and face it head on. Asking someone for forgiveness, Or it’s learning the laws of grace and love. Whatever you’re called to do in this life, Do it. Even if you can’t understand it. In the end we all must be madly in love with the life, legacy we’ve lived. That my friends is the soul purpose of taking THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.

Birth, Life, Death, Re-Birth.

Birth, Life, Death, Rebirth.

As we move further into the Mercury retrograde many of our lives are being rearranged. This usually happens in a series of serendipitous events. It can range from the ending of old toxic relationships, friendships, careers, environments and simply just old ways of functioning that don’t support what is manifested into our life, and or your present state of consciousness. The moment our old lives, ways of being, begin to crumble… We try so desperately try to hold on to what was. Fair enough; we’re all human with emotions and sometimes we attach ourselves to things that can’t and won’t serve our highest good with longevity. Fighting to hold on to those things create suffering, it is only in those moments we truly learn that some things were simply not meant to last a lifetime. This is to say… Pain will slap us silly and we then make the choice to let go and deepen our path or we choose to hold on to the past creating the same patterns with the inability to create anew. As we gently choose to let go of what was ( sometimes it takes months, maybe even a year or two) to fully accept, heal and overcome our inner battles. This is the exact moment we realize that our positive affirmations, visualizations, meditations and crystals; refuse to save us in our crises. This is when we realize that nothing can save us because there is nothing to be saved! I mean come on…. We have all met that man or woman who has fought for their toxic, broke down marriage. We’ve all played the desperate card in the creation of our lives. You know the story: Getting angry with GOD, the universe because things didn’t happen how you thought they should, or maybe you didn’t think it was fair he/she was able to move on with out you… Perhaps he/ she cheated on you and now their happily married. Maybe that co-worker got the promotion and you felt it was unjust because you’ve been with the company longer and you deserve to be acknowledged. The point is: We must choose at some point to evolve our souls, lives in accordance to how GOD, universe see’s fit. Once we know what it truly required of us, we simply cannot ignore intuitive hits of direction, inspiration. Sabotaging and ignoring that guidance will only bring further self inflicted suffering.
Remember to be kind, gentle with yourself. In great transitions, transformations allow yourself the time you need to heal, take some time out for yourself. Sleep, take bubble baths, go on long walks, eat good food, connect with good people, masturbate and tend to your emotional life. No, not just the happy, joyful, loving feelings. Go deeper, go to that place inside yourself that you deny and shine love on it. Go deeper into your pathology, ask yourself and feel ( where am I giving my power away? And to what and I giving my power away?) Go deeper: Why do I hold beliefs that don’t work for me anymore? Go to that place of pain, listen to it- understand it, address it. GO deeper to that place of forgiveness that you’re with holding from yourself or others. Go deeper to that space where you meet GOD and be compassionate with yourself. No spiritual master has said life was a cake walk. They all say you have to show up for your practice and your life.

Happy transitions, transformations.

Touch each other with love,

Jamil Echoes.

Embracing feminine nature.

 

In the past I’ve dealt with men whom were interested in me sexually but could not deal with my feminine nature. In my early twenties I was willing to compromise myself for their comfort, male egotism. Within those experiences I’ve learned how to embrace my feminine nature and not give a shit about their projected delicate male ego. This did not happen over night; of course. 

During this period I had to get clear on self love, self worth. I knew I only had two options. 1. Love and accept myself.

2. Hate myself and become someone else.

Both roads seemed tempting. For a year or so I had a love affair with both of them. I began to fall In love with myself but I wasn’t completely comfortable in my skin. I needed constant validation, attention and assurance from men. On the flip side, it felt seductive to put a social mask on and get the type of men I wanted. It was a completely different world. Within the world masculinity is rewarded, for the first time In my life I allowed myself to indulge in hyper masculine privilege. The more I perpetuated the collective image of masculinity, the more I suffered. Eventually ( years later, currently) I decided to show up authentically in my life. This past year alone, my life is reflecting those internal changes. 

In hindsight, I was literally getting an education on gender roles and how that can effect one’s intimate relationships, life… When I dated hyper masculine men, intimacy was a component that was missing. I felt as though I wasn’t able to emotionally connect to that person(s). Very little emotional honesty, compassion, soul communication. Hyper masculine men are taught to not engage in their emotions. Which can cause dysfunction. I have many heterosexual female, gay male friends who yearn for an alpha male; protector- provider. And become hurt in the long run when some of these men cannot be intimate with them. I’ve experienced men become disconnected/ distant when I attempted to share my feelings, or attempted to connect. These men never truly connected to them-self so how could they have the capacity to do so for me? In those moments I decided to put away the hyper masculine mask and carry on with my journey by living with an open heart and deeply connecting myself to my entire being. 

I believe that a man can in fact be hyper masculine and have the capacity to be intimate. If he realizes that it can be a tool for survival. I’ll elaborate here… Because America is a capitalist country, we’re forced to be aggressive and assertive in our in-devours, dreams goals, etc. No one can achieve anything by being passive. This doesn’t mean one can’t hold compassion, love, and so on. It means that in those moments of defining your life, you do have to put your warrior mask on to make it happen. Unfortunately, the Internet age has many people believing that financial success can be handed to you in the same manner you obtain Twitter followers. Which enables people’s delusion in survival. I’m learning to be compassionate with myself with the hyper masculine mask syndrome, while being compassionate towards other men who have no choice but to place their mask on in a world where the strong only survive. 

Alas, I think it’s imperative to be supportive of these men; within a dating or relational dynamic. If in fact these men are equipped to know the balance of being and doing. Or if these men are open to expansion and growth. We deserve a little tenderness. Not ridicule and harshness.   

Cleaning out the clutter in your closet.

Knowing When To Let Go.



We’ve all come to a point in our life where certain friendships, relationship(s) did not serve our higher purposes, integrity, values and overall quality of life. In such moments it can be challenging to let go of the bond, due to emotional attachment and history with that person(s). 

Often times we’ll keep a toxic bond present in our life because we’re afraid of not having another bond. Who would want to feel a sense of loss? Sometimes toxicity is all we know and, leaping into the unfamiliar can be frightening. It’s important to implement self work, inquiry to see what is keeping us connected to this bond. When we discover what’s keeping us blocked from our highest potential it’s easier to navigate and make decisions based on our values and worth verses our lack; we soon fly. 

By addressing any form of lack, depletion in our lives, we choose to heal that and also love it! We soon find ourselves forming bonds that are out of pure intents to share our love, values and our joy with people. We then do not form dysfunctional, toxic relationships, bonds. 

Alas, my friends give yourself the permission to release anything that is not conducive to your overall well being; without guilt! 

Am I Enough?



Am I enough? 

I got to thinking about being enough, after a phone call I had with my good girlfriend. Within that conversation I found that she’d never been validated by her family, friends and, lovers. As she bemoaned, I simply listened with compassion. Apart of me wanted to not listen to any of it. Not because she was overwhelming. More so because I’ve been there before and I have no plans on going back… At all. 

It was in this moment I’d realized she wasn’t asking for answers, she didn’t need anymore ‘self help’ books, not a shrink. She needed warm compassion. I allowed her to vent and go through her entire relational pathology  beginning with family, then with her friendships, followed by her romantic relationships. Surprisingly enough, I found it rather interesting she’d became dismayed at her own emotional shortcomings.  Throughout the entire conversations she’d go back in forth with blame, shame and guilt, who she wanted to place it on. 

As she continued to passionately express her pain. She said, “I’m a good mother!” From this second she began speaking of her unconditional love she has for her kids, how much they truly adore her; She laughed with ease and joy. Somewhere within this conversation ( of me just listening,) she’d realized that in fact she was enough and she was always enough. She came to the conclusion that her relationships were all lessons for her heart. And she’d take every single lesson and share them with her children. She’d teach her children how important it is to be compassionate, kind, accepting and loving to all beings. She decided she was going to allow herself to heal from this pain and begin setting strong boundaries within her relationships with people who’d truly value her. 

The supernatural spiritual healing that comes from compassion is remarkable. ( If you’ve never tried it, try it today!) 

By time we got off the phone, I was assured that I am enough. And if I ever felt any lack, I could reflect on all the good that is present and know I will always be enough. 

The Lotus Mind

It is said that the lotus plant is birthed in dark, murky waters. It can only thrive in the light by: embarrassing it’s environment, working alongside with the darkness and murky waters.
This is a similar process for the human psyche. When we are faced with ‘wound-ology’, pain, suffering, shame, neglect etc… We must address our innate dysfunction and allow the healing/ growth process to occur.
Due to our western civilization and culture we expect immediate results; with everything.
Often times many of us want to only dance in the light, not address our dysfunction. In-which when a real life spiritual or life crises becomes present we are ill-equipped to deal with it. We’ve yet to connect the dots. For those of us that utilize spiritual tools to ground ourselves in joy, love, ease, connectedness. Those same tools have to be used in dealing with mental and emotional turmoil; Intergrading the ‘positive,’ ‘negative’ states of being.

It’s easy to place an affirmation, smile and ‘good energy,’ over dysfunctional behaviors and pathology. This reaction enables us to habitually retrieve from healing and growth, allows to simply feel good for the moment. Until these patterns persist and we are forced to deal with ourselves.

You see, our dysfunction is asking for you to transform it into light and love. It’s asking for you to give it compassion, understanding and forgiveness. When you feel yourself depressed, hurt, bewildered, fearful, anxious, anger. Invite those feelings in with an open heart. Allow those feelings to speak to you, allow them to express themselves. If you must cry, then cry. If you must be angry for the moment allow it in. It is in these moments you’re completely open, willing to address your darkness. This is a huge aspect of self care and self love.